Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
