I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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