That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
