All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
