My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
