This is not my ceiling
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
