There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
