we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize