If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
