Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
