This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
