I'm going to jail i love you
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
