okay pat passed out under dana's car
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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