Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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