Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
