i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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