508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
