YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
