Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
