Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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