It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
