Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
