i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
