I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
