I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
