If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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