She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
