I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
