only if we run a train.
done.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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