Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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