Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
