Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
"it" just moved
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize