I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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