Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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