Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
