The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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