just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
