My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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