Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
two words...techno handjob
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
