hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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