Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Sext me about skeletons
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