Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
