Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
