dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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