Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
