Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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