I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
