He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
