phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
