it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
