This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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