Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
