You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
