I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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