what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
