I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
