i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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