P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
