I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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