does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just found a bag of teeth...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
