apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
