Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
