Where did you get a picture of my penis
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
