I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
