It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize