I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
