last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
