You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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